


Losers

by softkaneki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 23:29:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11977368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softkaneki/pseuds/softkaneki
Summary: It was in this third year of high school that Oikawa Tooru stopped being a child.And to Tooru, it seemed that becoming older, being an adult, meant learning to love parts of yourself you didn't know you shouldn't love.Tooru loved his best friend. In the loneliness he found himself in, he came to know that many people fall in love with their best friends too.





	Losers

It was in this third year of high school that Oikawa Tooru stopped being a child.

He learned, through no real fault of his own that people are more often cruel than kind. Their cruelty could whip and cut across skin, vicious and done with malice aforethought. Often, however, it was quiet. There was no intention behind it; it was as it was, barehanded and simple. Tooru would find himself equally affected by both.

His sister preceded him in knowing the cruelty of man.

Oikawa Yoriko was a forward thinking, smart woman in her late twenties. She thrived while working hard, and as such had done well at university. However, in her final year at Tokyo U, she discovered with some apprehension and fear that she was pregnant. The father of her child, and fiancé to boot, left her saying, “I have no need for a mother.” Her opinion became that her son had no need for a father.

Still, having her heart crushed had left a long lasting effect on her. “Love is for children,” she told Tooru. He was a child still himself and had no way of understanding – he didn’t want to understand.

Tooru grew up clever, academically and socially. He was streamed to go to university, maybe not top of his class but close enough. He fitted right into his peer groups and charmed his way into those outside. He had a great many admirers; potential lovers and allies, for they were not friends. No, Tooru did not have friends.

He had one friend, a constancy since childhood. A steadiness and closeness.

The kindness in Tooru’s life was Iwaizumi Hajime.

Iwaizumi kept Tooru grounded. When he got tightly wound, panic and fear choking his insides and letting him lash out, Iwaizumi was there. He could calm Tooru, flighty as he was, prone to anxiety as he was. Anyone who knew them could tell they cared deeply for each other, brothers in spirit though not in blood.

Tooru loved Iwaizumi. Quite how, he wasn’t sure. Was is the same as family – a solid trust and reliability between them. Was it platonic – friends who would do most anything for each other. Or was it as a lover – all of those and somehow so much more. He found himself watching his friend, savouring every touch between them, leaning in when they brushed shoulders – he ached for closeness, for Iwaizumi to look at him more than his other friends. He was, Tooru realised, attracted to him, in more ways than one.

He had to be careful, this wasn’t passionate or overwhelming like love was said to be, like how his sister had described her love. So it couldn’t be that? Could it? Whatever it was, it made Tooru uneasy. The warmth that spread throughout his chest when his best friend smiled left him unable to breathe. He wanted to make him laugh, to see that smile there because of him. He wanted Iwaizumi to be happy, and most of all, he knew he wanted to be a key part of that happiness.

This was all so new to him. How long had he felt like this? What was he to do with these feelings? So Tooru resolved to hide them away until he figured out exactly what was going on.

He attended practice, did well in school and succeeded in his role as team captain. He lead his team in defeating Karasuno, but was in turn defeated by Shiratorizawa. He had to work harder – damned be his knee. Next time, he – they – would win; the cruel cycle of losing to Ushijima had to end, he needed to make sure of that.

He was over focusing, he knew he was. It was consuming him, plaguing him, giving him untold amounts of grief. Tooru knew he was panicking as he sat alone in the club room. Everyone else had long since left, it was just him and endless practice, repeating each serve, for the next must be better than the previous. Of course he knew he had to leave eventually. Tomorrow was the match with Datekou, and then, of course, the match against Karasuno; he had to be on top form if he wanted to crush those crows again. That was the reason why he was sitting in the club room, his hands shaking as he tried to tie his laces up.

“Oikawa.”

Tooru looked up, eyes wide as he tried to calm his breathing.

Iwaizumi looked down at him, a frown creasing his forehead. One hand held onto his bag that was slung over his shoulder and the other rested in the pocket of his jacket. He looked casual, but almost a lifetime of friendship had taught Tooru how to understand his best friend, and Iwaizumi wasn’t best pleased.

“What the fuck?”

Tooru laughed, bubbly and false, unsteady.

“Iwa-chan, honestly, I don’t get – “

“Cut the crap.”

Tears threatened to spill down his cheeks.

“I can’t tie my laces,” Tooru whispered.

Iwaizumi’s expression softened. He dumped his bag on the floor, knelt down, and tied up Tooru’s laces. Quietly, he reached for his friend’s hands and pulled him down on the floor. He wrapped his arms around him, rubbing circled along his spine until Tooru’s breathing evened out, until all his tears for now had spilled.

Eventually Tooru sat up. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, his hair was in disarray, and there was none of that usual Oikawa charm. But it was at times like these that Iwaizumi could see the Tooru he’d grown up with – honest and open.

“Thank you, Iwa-chan,” Tooru murmured.

He stood up and picked up his bag. As he pushed the door open to leave, Iwaizumi spoke.

“Oikawa.”

Tooru turned his head to look at him.

“It’ll be fine.”

Though he didn’t say anything else, both of them know the words left unspoken.

Tooru smiled, “Of course, we have our team.”


End file.
